Anxious Minds

So its been a hell of a journey since my last post. I’ve started 5 or 6 posts and then they’ve trailed off without getting far enough to be worth posting. I guess it started feeling like I had nothing to say, and then when I did have something to say I either couldn’t word it right or didn’t feel like anyone would want to read it. Having similar struggles with this post but I guess I want to get the ball rolling again.

I increased my dosage of citalopram with doctors advice to 40mg  and tbh I think its only made me feel worse. After a visit to the doctors last week we discussed and he thinks this is because my anxiety is currently the overruling issue rather than the depression and I can’t exactly fault his logic. I’ve also been having troubles with considerable acid reflux so I’m having tests to see what is causing it, no fun at all. Annoyingly I’ve stopped taking the anti acids and stopped the anti histamines I was taking and it seems to have eased off a little bit, though its not gone so I guess the tests are still worth it.

Either way, the doctor has suggested (depending on the test results) that I go onto beta blockers to help with the anxiety side of things. But that appointment isn’t for a couple of weeks so on advice from a friend I have some Bach rescue remedy due tomorrow to see if it helps at all, Who knows maybe if it works well enough I can avoid the beta blockers, but I doubt it.

Since increasing the citalopram I seem to have had a constant tension in my scalp, neck and shoulders. I have also had a reasonably constant feeling of fuzziness in my head and issues with focus and clear thought. I am hoping that if I can dial back the anxiety I can dial back my citalopram dose again and get rid of this sensation… but I don’t actually know if the citalopram has caused it or if it is a side effect of the rampant anxiety.

I don’t have any massive insights or words of wisdom right now. I haven’t kept up with the self care or even finished reading the book I harped on about. I’ve not given up but at the same time I’m not exactly going anywhere but one step forward and one step back  means I’m not going backwards anymore… right?

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