I was a little uninspired yesterday so I thought rather than try and force a topic I’d wait until one came to me. I suppose this was a good thing in a way because nothing happened yesterday that made me think ‘I must write about this!’. I do feel like I have become a broken record recently where everything is mental health and self care and I don’t talk about anything else I hope it isn’t getting tiresome for my friends.
But today there is a little something to celebrate and something that has given me a lot to think about.
So I’m still working on the same basics, until I get these down I’m not trying to go for anything more complicated. Good sleep pattern, regular exercise and healthier eating habits. There are other things I need/want to do but I have to pick my battles and how many things I am fighting at once or I will just burn out on it and stop. I’m stumbling enough as it is.
So in the featured image today is an outfit I bought in Japan in February of last year… which I haven’t worn until today due to a level of paranoia about standing out etc etc. I was finally brave enough to wear it out today! It is a gothic/punk style Lolita outfit, could lump it under kuro lolita I guess. However my outer jacket doesn’t fit anymore and this leads me onto my main topic of the day.
Self Image Issues
Even the most well adjusted of us has something about our physical form that bothers us, even if it’s just being an inch too short to reach the top cupboard. Some of us are much worse and its a task to find Anything at all we like about our physical forms. We usually end up with two choices; fix it or learn to be happy with it.
I, despite what anyone else tells me, feel at best a plain Jane and at worst a gelatinous blob that no one would want to look at. All in all I’m not that bad, my thighs feel pretty massive sometimes but what really upsets me when I think about myself if my torso. I have fairly small breasts which makes pulling of a lot of tops off really hard (I know big would be worse but still) and right below them the fat starts… it used to be flat over the ribs and just a bit of a pot belly. I know I will Never be able to get rid of the pot belly but right now its massive. I am 2 stone heavier than I used to be when I was far happier with myself.
I get the feeling I wouldn’t be happy with myself even if I lost the weight but at least I would fit in my nicer clothes that currently won’t fit at all or feel really stretched and show off all the unwelcome bumps.
Self Care vs Self Image
All this effects how I feel about myself and part of my self care has to be to deal with this… so… which path do I take and when?
I said before that I have to pick my fights… right now eating healthily is hard enough without calorie counting on top of that… but today made me want to lose weight Now. Healthy eating and exercise should by rights reduce my waistline anyway and then I have a better footing for dropping calories and an established healthier lifestyle.
But it can be difficult to apply the patience we need to make a sustainable change.
It is too easy to rush in guns blazing and burn out… been there done that. At one point on slimming world I got to target… but I put the weight back on for various reasons and haven’t been able to find the same commitment to the program again. I can’t for the life of me tell you why it worked the first time and not after.
I am not sure what to do for the best atm… a quick change would give me a boost sooner… but is jumping a few steps really a good idea?