Drowning

I sat down to start this post and it was going to be about what I missed posting yesterday about my day. In a very short space of time my mood has taken a drastic swing from the hopeful things are going well to what’s the point in trying. The reason? Chemicals and hormones… I have been exhausted all night which  put pay to my original ideas of getting on top of the house or getting back on the treadmill.

Its been a bit of an average day, work is the usual amount of stressful and frustrating. But I’ve been feeling physically tired for a good few days and I guess I just hit the mental side of the exhaustion coin.

I haven’t made my lunch for tomorrow, tea was just fish rather than something well rounded and tbh I’ve barely drunk enough except tea at my desk through the day to keep myself awake (yeah I know I was cutting down on caffeine, I was also not going to go to KFC but I’m just a hypocrite aren’t I).

I could go on… right now I hate myself… I’ve procrastinated, I’ve been lazy and self indulgent and let go of my self care and I’m not even on the two week mark. I am exhausted and I’m not sure if I would rather scream and punch the wall or curl up in a ball and cry. I’m a walking ball of negative energy and let me tell you it sucks.

BUT “Never let a stumble in the road be the end of your journey”

I saw this awhile ago on facebook, I don’t remember who posted it. Right now I am stumbling… I have stumbled before and I will again…right now I’ve lost the energy to fight and I’ve grown exhausted from trying.

I’ll probably still be tired tomorrow, it takes a little time to claw the energy back but the important thing isn’t when we fall down, it is that we get back up at all. 

I’m not going to stay down. I’ll get my fight back, just not tonight… so I don’t need to beat myself up about it. I’m just low right now, nothing to be ashamed of or worry about and it doesn’t make me weak… I am just not as strong right now.

I’d love to hear back from people about what you do to get your fight back when you’ve feel like your lying on the ground.

Most times in life, I keep putting one foot in front of the other and at some point realise its not as bad anymore and I’m not feeling as dark without ever understanding the mechanism behind it.

One thought on “Drowning

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