Rocking

Today I want to sit in a corner hug my legs and rock. The realisation that right now a simple task can leave me feeling panicked and overwhelmed is… well overwhelming. I feel tight right in my centre and I can feel that need for tears ready to leap up and take over again.

I also feel a little like I am sitting back and watching myself feel this way. I am detached but distraught which makes very little sense to me but since when did emotions make sense? It is probably my mind vs the drugs what my body wants to do vs what the meds are letting it do.

Im afloat on the ocean again without a paddle or so much as a piece of wood from which to let DiCaprio freeze to death. A week of self care and I think the main difference is a better understanding of the whats and why’s of how I am feeling but I haven’t worked on improving my coping mechanisms yet.

But walking away is no solution, neither is stopping in my tracks. I need to find my dinghy and a paddle and get moving sure it will be in circles for awhile but eventually I’ll get some momentum. But I know as you do, it won’t be an easy journey and I don’t have a map to get there yet.

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