This one is a bit of a stream of consciousness I dictated to my phone so forgive the poor formatting.
I just feel powerless there’s so much going on in life that you can’t control and you want to. You want to make your loved ones happy you want to make your friends happy and at the end of the day you just powerless to do anything that isn’t directly you and in your control half the time you can’t even have control over your own life nevermind someone else’s.
It’s bad self care but I think it’s good humanity to want to help your loved ones on your friends but we have to understand the limitations of what we can do for the people and at certain points we also have to understand that they are adults they can take care of their own lives but when you know they’re depressed and you know they’re exhausted and you know they can’t think straight because of the situation; you want to see clearly for them and take care of them as they are just too damn exhausted or depressed to figure it out. But again it’s their life they’re adults they need to take care of themselves and they won’t exactly forgive you for going behind their back to try and help.
On a related topic there are many different areas within self care. For example between me and my husband my physical health comds before taking care of the house but with my husband a larger part of the self care is having a tidy organised clean house and to me that falls behind my own self care. It does drive me mad when the house is a mess but I can always put up with that more than being hungry or feeling lethargic. I only recently started trying to put my own bodily responses first and deal with those to ensure my body is well nourished to give my mind what it needs.
Then you’ve got other aspects of life and the balance between looking after yourself and looking after the ones you care about. I had a comment about someone who learned that lesson sometime ago i.e. realising that they were doing everything for the other half. However, we can’t do things 100% one way or the other. You can’t live just for you, well you can but I don’t feel like its right to live purely for yourself or purely for another person. There needs to a compromise and it doesn’t have to be 50/50 but sometimes you just have to put your partner for a relationship to work. Same goes with your friends, self care isn’t selfish but you need to support the people in your life too.
Interestingly enough what’s different about this post is I’ve dictated it hands free and safe from my car on my way to work. It’s allowed me to think things through that were upsetting me on the way in rather than just driving upset. I constructively thought through the problem and reached the conclusion effectively don’t have any right to interfere however well meaning in might be. I’ve reached this conclusion before but sometimes you have to reach the same conclusion again to justify it back to yourself to let go of guilt that you’re not helping because of the end of the day you’re responsible for you and they are responsible for them.