One of the things I have done periodically and am having to look more thoroughly at are the things that give and take energy in my life. People that know me will know I have the tendency to bend over backwards to make sure my friends, co-workers or a stranger in need get the help they need. Where does that leave me?
I don’t want to become a heartless person who won’t help anyone because it takes away my energy and when I know I’ve made a friends day better I get to feel better about myself too and get a little energy right back. But I may have to learn to ration or prioritise what I do. There is always the sad realisation in some cases that some people take and never give back. I am sure when friends have supported me in the past I’ve taken it and not had any energy to give back at the time, but if I then sit there worrying about how I owe them I’ll spend what they gave me on that instead of on myself.
One of the first things in the self care project is the realisation that we spend what resources we have on making sure everyone else is happy and likes us and leave nothing for ourselves. In many cases this could be because we can see around other peoples issues because we aren’t as close to them and if we cant help ourselves at least we can help other people. Also that there is a difference between being selfish and looking after yourself.
The main question is where does the balance lay? I still want to help people and be considerate and caring, but somewhere I need to start drawing a line when I am letting it get in the way of looking after myself.
So I’ve spent some time today putting together this blog, and a folder with all the activities from the self care project printed out so it is organised along with what paperwork I have from my old CBT sessions. It feels like an achievement but it is really just a stepping stone for a commitment I have yet to follow through on. We all do it don’t we? Lay the ground work for some real change and then at some point realise it all slid away.
I’ve also spent some time with my husband sorting out our mini home gym with a rowing machine, weights and a treadmill so we can get in some cardio and strength training every day. One of the things I have had in place with semi success is using the fitbit charge 2 to help track and inspire improvements. I keep track of how much I sleep, how many calories I burn and with a bit extra effort can track what I take in and keep a good protein/carbs/fats balance.
- Daily Exercise to help control stress levels
- Crank up my sleep time for 6 to 8 hours a night
- Improve my diet and water intake.
- Improve mechanisms at work for coping strategies (now I’ve cracked and told work I can get help from that side).
- Keep fighting the urge to flee and go recluse, I know I have great friends that don’t feel like I am a burden whatever my silly brain says.
- Learn how to take and believe compliments (should help with my self esteem).
- Work on things in my life that drain me, things that give me energy and improve the balance.
- Get my second draft of my novel written properly and find some way to get published Finally.
While I have a goal in mind for this blog I am aware that I also have to limit some of the things I say, what is the point in helping myself if I upset friends or my workplace after all? If I am referring to a situation but being a little vague there will be a good reason for it.